Pray! Run walk or Crawl just keep going...it's gotta go somewhere

When I was little and fell, I'd get back up it's natural. I may have cried. Maybe my mom ran over and  dusted me off or I just shook it off. I never considered staying down.  I never realized how getting back up would translate into starting all over at life weather it be a career change, an accident, a life threatening illness or even fallen into our Judicial System. I admire people that can put all their faith in God. People who's faith is so strong it's like nothing worries them. I'm not like that at all. Last Sunday I read liturgy at Mass at St Mary's. Father Paul wasn't feeling well (prayers 4 him) so Father Joe officiated. Father Joe's a younger man.. he'll thank me for saying that. He's great wears a beanie and rides a Harley. During father Joe's Homily he admitted he was a worrier. Says he worries all the time. How can this be? I see him Love his life running from one church to the other doing Mass in two different towns on Sunday. He gives most of his time to Sacred Heart in Hudson.
 I've spoke there to. Actually I was asked to talk on Pentecostal Saturday  about five years ago. Only I didn't realize the importance of this day. When we got there the church was absolutely packed.  And I volunteered to get up and read a play. I studied and prepared but I have issues with anxiety and just before things get started I'm always worried. Everything went fine when I did my reading I scanned the eyes in every pew. There was no body who wasn't listening to me. Turns up this Saturday event is a day for confession. Automatically I see an opportunity to confess to a Father I didn't know that didn't know me.. Am I wrong? I didn't want my church to know I've been in prison.
 I beat up on myself as I confessed to him.... I seem to have given up... I told him how I've been in prison. For a fist fight I got into when I was only 18 years old. I got out and went straight to the Specs Howard school of broadcast arts.
  I confessed I feel an importance in my life to prevent this from happening to other young people... I'm not sure how I expected a radio career to do this. (I talked to thousands of people.) I told him I use to feel important. I've planned and orchestrated food drives filling rental trucks with food. Food that was going to feed families that were gonna be hungry without it. I Spoke at school functions. Now I'm a dumb roofer.  ( I Love being on a roof but it's not glamorous.)  I remember his face golden hazel eyes and silver hair nodding toward the podium I had spoke from. "Why did you get up there and do that?" he asked referring to my reading.  Because they asked me to I replied.( there were about eight other readings that day). He told me I should be an actor or something. That he watched my eyes as I spoke to every single person in the church. He told me "Quit beating up on yourself If God wants you on the radio that's where you'll be".    He told me "Just Do what God Asks".

. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed.  I'm not the guy without worries. I worry myself sick. I wish God would ask me to do something and give me an instruction booklet. I can follow directions so I use my free will to do what I think is right. I seem to always get knocked down. I've  started over so many times. I get back up. I don't mean to preach. It is Lent. A time to do something specific in regard to personal spiritual renewal. 
  I had Gavin handed to me by child protective service just months after. Father told me "do what God asks you to do". 

 I was emotional that day in just waiting to get to my confession station. I Knew I had a baby on the way from a relationship my church would not approve of. The Mother wanted to abort the baby and I was against it. Sometimes I wish I'd never met her but at the same time wonder where me and Gavin would be without each other. During her Pregnancy she would call me and demand money for  an abortion.  

 I write poems about things I don't know why. During this period I wrote "Pro Life". /pro-life.html

 I  guess I write the way I feel.